Hi, I'm Juliane with one n
Unmentionables is completely unfit for polite conversation. I’ve been told I’m airing dirty laundry in public, and I take that as a compliment.
What’s Unmentionables about?
“If you want to write a good book, write what you’re scared to admit to other people. If you want to write a great book, write what you’re scared to admit to yourself.”
Unmentionables is about staring into our abyss and looking for the monsters under our beds while making completely inappropriate jokes and eating excellent croissants.
I share my personal writing, essay drafts, poems, and parts of my memoir in progress; send out paid writing opportunities every week; teach classes and workshops, and host the monthly Dirty Draft Reading Lab.
Unmentionables is about creating the community I crave. I hope you join me.
I’m always looking for my next favorite writer. Show me what you made. Please email me links to your writing (on Substack or elsewhere) and tell me weird stuff about yourself :) I pretend-fainted at a David Hasselhoff concert when I was in elementary school. I hoped the security guys would pull me out and let me go backstage, so I could profess my undying love. It wasn't meant to be. All I got was a juice box. And then I had to watch the rest of the concert on a grainy TV in the medical tent.
If something resonates with you, I hope you comment so I know I’m not alone.
If my writing means something to you, please share a piece you love with your friends.
Stuff I like doing besides eating croissants:
I'm a book coach, writer, and editor for nonfiction and memoir projects with Simon & Schuster, Penguin Random House, Macmillan, and private clients including Navy SEALs, Apple Executives, and Ironman athletes. I freelance for HuffPost, Wired, Insider, and The Rumpus, and run the writing community Unmentionables on Substack. I was born and raised in Germany by a U.S. Army soldier dad and a German hippie mom. I live in Montana with my partner, the two youngest of our six kids, and zero pets. I eat Nutella the correct way—straight out of the jar—and once ran a marathon. (One out of five stars, would not recommend.)
You can find client recommendations and a selection of books I've worked on here: Five Stars. Recent freelance clips are listed in my Portfolio. Email me at juliane@bergmannconsulting.com
I love long walks on the beach. Yes, really. Also books, people, flowers, whales, and magical, mossy forests with giant trees. Not in that order.
I live in the state with the coldest temperatures ever recorded in the lower 48, while somehow also being home to the largest supervolcano in the US (Yellowstone). I wake up most days wondering if I'll freeze to death or be evaporated in a volcano eruption. One of my life goals is to move somewhere I don't have to wear pants.
I lift weights for sanity, read for pleasure, paint for fun, and dance like Elaine. When I'm sad about the world, I watch The Great British Baking Show and Ted Lasso. I believe in friends who are family, hand-written thank you notes, screaming in the car, becoming the kind of grown-up I needed when I was a kid, hugging trees, small chocolate-covered things, and swimming in the ocean.
If you want to binge everything I’ve written, consider a paid subscription that gives you access to the entire archive forevahhhh.
As a paid subscriber, you also get:
“Pitch, Please” - Weekly paid writing opportunities every Friday
Access to the monthly Unmentionables Dirty Draft Reading Lab. The sign-up sheet for the next one is here.
Access to all my courses, classes, and guides for free (annual & founding members) or 50% off (monthly members)
One hour of my time for consulting or editing (founding members only, once a year). Email me to schedule at juliane@bergmannconsulting.com.
One last thing…whether or not you become a free or paid subscriber, these made me laugh and I hope they make you crack a smile before you go on with your day!
