What Are You Waiting For?

I found this pink note from 7-year-old me in my mother’s apartment after she died and have kept it next to my desk for six years. It’s an attempt at prayer in my best second-grade cursive.

“Dear God!

Please make me strong. So I can endure everything. I feel miserable! Everyone here is in a rotten mood. I am bored. Life isn’t fun anymore. Please change this!!!!!! Please make it so Papa finds work. Make Mama feel better, and that my brother won’t have so many tantrums anymore! Amen!!!!!! Yours, Juliane!!!”

For at least 35 years I’ve been waiting and hoping for situations and people to change

I rarely thought about what I needed, what I wanted, what I could ask for

Other than to be made strong enough to endure

I’ve spent my life waiting

For my dad to stop drinking

For my mom to be happy

For my crush to notice me

For my employer to value my work

For the weekend, for…