The Part of Me I Loved to Hate

I'll never be cool Sara

I’ve been called a control freak by every romantic partner in my entire life. And quite a few family members, too. A travel agent for guilt trips. A nag. A bitch. A Karen who will most definitely talk to your manager.

I’ve been the crazy ex-girlfriend, the overbearing sister, the domineering wife, and the partner who loses her shit on you in the middle of the night, turning on all the lights and following you around the house, screaming about what a fucking asshole you are.

I’ve hated this part of myself. So deeply ashamed of the desperate, needy monster inside. Why can’t I be cool Sara in the tie-dye dress who’s just so chill, bro?

The incessant need to control people, places, and situations has been with me since the childhood that wasn’t a childhood. I recognize myself whenever I meet other people who never got to be kids:

• the serious ones who can’t ta…